The unsettling awareness of your heartbeat, whose tenuous muscular throbbing feels less like a metronome than a nervous ditty your heart is tapping to itself (n)

“Parker, it’s your turn,”

Parker looks up from her phone to the empty beer bottle in the cleared-out space in front of her. She looks to her left finding her best friend Lily smirking at her. Lily tilts her head towards the bottle and smiles wider.

She looks at the bottle again. She turns her phone off and reaches into the circle. Her fingertips rest on the glass bottle. She twists it slightly to the left before spinning it clockwise. The bottle spins and spins as she sits back. It slows, painfully so, and stops pointing towards someone on the other side of the circle.

Cheering and whispers erupt around Parker. She takes a deep breath before looking up at her partner for seven minutes. Her eyes trace the neck of the bottle to another girl. Her bright blue eyes stare back at Parker. She smiles as Parker’s eyes meet hers.

There is a clap from the side of the circle. “Violet and Parker, rise from the circle and enjoy each other’s company for the next seven minutes.”

“Remember,” someone else on the side of the circle says, “it’s 2022, and we aren’t forcing anyone to kiss anyone. I personally recommend it, but that’s just me.”

Violet stands and nods her head towards the open door to the closet. “You coming?”

“If you want,” the guy to Parker’s right says near her ear, “you can spin for a third party. I’m sure some of us would gladly join you two pretty ladies.”

“Buzz off, Tyler” Lily hisses at him.

Parker shakes her head as she pushes herself to her feet. She follows the outside of the circle of people to Violet. She walks behind her into the closet, shutting the door behind her.

“I thought I left the closet behind me, but I guess not,” Violet mumbles.

Parker laughs and looks at her. She’s leaning back against the only exposed wall space in the larger-than-expected walk-in closet. Parker watches as Violet pulls her straight, bright purple hair into a messy ponytail near the top of her head. Her heartbeat is pounding loud in her ears. 

“So,” Violet starts again, “I think we need to address the obvious elephant in the room.”

“Am I queer?”

Violet laughs. “That’s the one.”

Parker nods. “I am. I’m assuming by the joke you are too?”

Violet points to a pin on her denim jacket. Parker forces herself to take a few steps closer to make it out. The pin is the “I love you” hand with pansexual-colored nails.

“That’s such a cool pin,” Parker whispers.

Violet drops her hold on her jacket and shrugs. “I found it in the pocket of a pair of pants I thrifted and called it fate. It’s actually how I ended up picking pan as my label.”

Parker tears her eyes from the pin, looking back up at Violet. “Really.”

Parker’s heart skips a beat before quickly speeding up. She can feel it beating hard against her chest. She didn’t realize how close she got to Violet until now. There is less than a foot between their noses, and Parker is hyper-aware of Violet’s steady breathing just barely hitting her face.

“Well,” Violet says, pushing off the wall. “I don’t know about you,” she takes another step forward, her pin poking Parker, “but since we’re already in here, I wouldn’t mind a kiss. Just one.”

Parker feels her heart banging against her chest like an angry man in prison. She swallows hard. Her face is hot, each quick beat of her heart flushing her more.

“We obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Violet rushes to add after a moment of tense silence.

Parker imagines Lily yelling at her later for not taking the chance she very clearly had to kiss a pretty girl at a party. She reminds herself to thank Lily later if this doesn’t end up being super awkward. Her lungs expand with a final deep breath.

Parker leans in slightly. “I mean, since we’re already in here…”

Violet cuts the gap between them in half again, placing her hands on Parker’s hips. “Then Parker, can I kiss you?”

She nods. “I’d be an idiot to shut down an offer like tha-”

The end of her words gets swallowed by Violet pressing her lips against Parker’s. The kiss is soft, and tender, and far too short. Violet pulls away just as Parker wills her own body to react and kiss back.

There is a quiet moment between them. Their lips are still only inches apart, and Parker’s glasses are fogging from Violet’s close breaths. Parker searches her brain for something, anything, to say. Her pounding heart rises to the base of her skull, anxiety creeping in her chest.

Violet takes her hands off Parker’s hips. She pinches the sides of Parker’s glasses and pulls them off. Her gentle hands fold the sides in and rest them on an empty shoe shelf. Violet’s hands come back, one resting on Parker’s hip again, the other finding its way to that pounding spot.

Her hand is warm against Parker’s red hot skin. The erratic heartbeat steadies. Violet leans in again, and this time Parker does too. Their lips crash together, and Violet’s hand slides into Parker’s hair. Parker brings her hands to either side of Violet’s face, pulling her closer.

At the sound of cheering outside the door, they pull apart. Parker becomes hyper-aware of the knots forming in her hair. Her heart pounds in her ears.

“Hey,” Violet tilts Parker’s head up towards her own. Her eyebrows are close and shadowed in concern. She brushes her thumb against her cheek. “Are you okay? You kinda did a 180 on me.”

Parker nods slowly. “Yeah, I’m sorry. This just isn’t normally my thing, and I’m only really here because my friend was invited, and she just didn’t want me laying in bed by myself watching Coraline for the eighth time this month. And I only kissed you because I knew she’d kill me if I was locked in here with a pretty girl and didn’t kiss you at least once.” Parker’s eyes widen. “I didn’t mean the only reason! There are obviously other reasons I just-”

Violet covers Parker’s mouth. “You’re rambling.” She removes her hand and strokes her cheek again. “You can continue if you want, but can I say something first?”

Parker nods.

“This isn’t my thing either. I just thought you were cute and I didn’t want to miss my chance. I figured it may be easier to get your number if we kissed in here.”

“You think I’m cute?”

Violet pulls her hands away, shoving Parker in the shoulder before hiding them in her pockets. “I’ll only admit to having said that if you admit you said I was pretty.”

Parker shrugs. “I wouldn’t deny that.”

Violet’s lips part slightly. “Man, I thought I had game.”

Parker laughs and takes her phone out of her back pocket. “How about we put this on hold and start with dinner instead?”

Violet tilts her head. “Or, how about instead we wear pjs and watch Coraline?”

Parker smiles wide, nodding quickly. Violet matches Parker’s smile and takes her phone. She creates a contact for herself and turns to face the same direction as Parker. Parker looks at her as she puts her glasses back on.

“Smile,” she says before snapping a picture of the two of them.

Parker smiles just in time for the flash. She is not sure if she was looking at the camera, but she will at least be happy looking wherever she was. Violet plays with her contact for a second more as the door opens.

“Are they making out?” Someone yells.

Violet rolls her eyes and hands Parker her phone back. She winks at her once before leaving her alone in the closet. She looks down at the still-opened contact. Violet O’Brien. Her contact photo is a zoomed-in half of the picture Violet took.

Parker looks up just long enough to walk out of the closet too. She sees a message pop up as she does. She taps it, opening up Violet’s messages. The picture she took is on top. Violet must have sent it to herself to get Parker’s number on her phone.

The photo Violet sent finally loads, and Parker freezes, looking up to find Violet in the room. She’s smiling wide. Parker looks back down at the message. It’s a screenshot of Parker’s contact, with the opposite half of the same photo Violet used to make her own.